#NC342851
Installation Guide:
Firstly you'll need a soft set of mats or large cushions, approximately 6ft square. The reason for this will become apparent later.......
Initially ensure that the empty fluid recipticle (in this case "wizardus homosapien numero uno") is primed for the injestion process.
Secondly, ensure that the fluid has been stored in the horizontal position at no more than 6 degrees C, and no less than 4 degrees C for a period of minimum 4 hours.
Ensure that you have ample preparation work surface space available- a dry, non-slip surface ususally works best. You must ensure that this preparation work surface is level at all times- there's no need to go to the extremes of a spirit level, a good eye will do. However, if this is a multiple re-filling exercise that has relocated from another station, depending on current fluid levels, you may require assistance with this. Do not be ashamed to ask- there's plenty of owners that have experienced a similar problem on this website.
Next comes the transfer recipticle- this MUST be glass.
The optimum size for the transfer recepticle is 0.284 litres (liters). If the OEM reseller does not understand what you are asking for, perhaps "Can I 'ave it in an 'arf pint please guvvna?" should clarify your request.
Under no circumstances use the cheap replica imitation plastic recipticles available- they only cause a strange chemical reaction with the fluid transfer process, causing the overall performance (some call it taste) to be less than satisfactory, and eventually some of your colleagues may even spot hints of the girlie characteristic called "suppin' like a gayer".
Under no circumstances should the transfer recepticle have a steadying or carrying handle. There is a common rumour (rumor) circulating that this modification increases positive performance. This is false. It has been statistically proven that the only owners that require use of the steadying handle have either undertaken installation of a performance modification that they cannot handle, or are indeed over the age of 90 years, neither of which are advisable when attempting this exercise.
Now comes the transfer itself. Opening the fluid container is a relatively easy task- the OEM supplier will have one to hand that he will use for you, or if purchasing from a recognised retailer, they are available over the counter at very little cost. The transfer into the recepticle is relatively straight forward..... hold the transfer recepticle at 45degrees for the majority of the transfer, ensuring that you bring the recepticle back to the upright position in ample time for "the head" to be produced. Some prefer to use the hi-flo method, which at the time of writing has proved to be unsuccessful. Care must be taken not to overfill the recepticle- the fluid is extremely valuable, and if spilt will not cause damage (except to the owner's reputation). When the first part of the transfer is complete, return the original container to the temeprature-controlled storage device (sometime called the fridge/cooler) until a further re-fill transfer is required.
Warning- risk of over-filling of the owner must be taken seriously. Symptoms of this problem could be blurred vision when rising to the upright position at speed, slurred vocal delivery of certain key consonants and vowels, and ill-guided judgement of semi-attractive females (commonly referred to as bridesmaidicus jail-baiticus).
Lastly- only in emergency situations of extreme over-filling, ensure that the large mats or cushions are laid on the floor nearby. This system will become useful as an emergency braking/landing system when all upright control of the 2 driveshafts are not recognised by the engine management system (sometimes known as wobbly-leggitus longitus). Apart from providing an emergency substitute for an airbag system to protect the owner, thay may also assist in saving spillage of the valuable fluid aformentioned.
Please use the above installation guide as you see fit, but as ever, (disclaimer), never drink & drive unless you want to get your pants wet!
Enjoy.