Viper wont start... or well anything...

[Bonkers]

Installed a new diehard six months ago, been on the battery
tender ever since. Went to get in yesterday... nothing. No
power at all. Its under the lift right now so I cant get to the
battery itself, but I tried to start and jump it off the hood
terminal and could only manage a weak click. Left it over
night on the new charger, the doors popped open, but that
was it - instantly dead again.

Im in a pickle now because my keys are locked in and I
dont have access to the hatch and I cannot jack it up. Is
there a fuse or something preventing charge on the hood
terminal? This has happened before but would always
start on a jump - even with a bad battery...

 

[Free2go]

Buy new battery, call SteveIndy. Done.

 

[Bonkers]

Excellent plan... except I cant get to the battery until I move
the car from under the lift. Cant move the car until I can get
inside. Cant get inside until I get enough power to the doors.
Right not I cant get any power through the hood terminal at
all...

 

[AZTVR]

Excellent plan... except I cant get to the battery until I move
the car from under the lift. Cant move the car until I can get
inside. Cant get inside until I get enough power to the doors.
Right not I cant get any power through the hood terminal at
all...

Can you use a floor jack to lift the car from the differential, lift the rear wheels off the ground, and pull the car out? (Assuming that it is nose in.)

 

[Bonkers]

No wheels are turned from when I pulled in...

The question I need answered is whether or not there is a
reason the underhood terminal is not working? Usually the
door poppers work once a power source is connect - not
this time. If there is a fuse or something I might be able to
get to that - if not I'll have to get the tractor out and drag
her out.

... its not that im opposed to doing that either, I just dont
like the brute force method if flipping a switch will solve
the issue. I tend to break things...

 

[Steve-Indy]

Bonkers, if you have a shorted cell in your battery, you may never get it started from front terminals. Likewise, if cable has nearly corroded through at battery terminals, nearly same deal. Call me 317-402-9013

 

[Bonkers]

She suddenly decided to power up and run... just long enough
to move the 10ft I needed to clear the lift for jacking her up.
New Optima on the way... She's tapping baddly under the hood,
but I think I remember Tator telling me something about the
valves tap if she sits for too long... either way, problem for
another day. Thanks for the offer anyway - one more weekend
completely shot...

 

[ViperJeff]

She's just telling you she needs more of your time than your giving her now

 

[TalonTSi90]

Yup, the whole not banging your gf thing...

 

[Bonkers]

She's just telling you she needs more of your time than your giving her now

A more truer statement may never be made here...