Wife won't let me get a Viper

[Bobpantax]

Your wife is not your enemy. She just had your child. Her emotional state may not have returned to normal yet from the hormone shift caused by the birth. She might be more irritable and moody than usual. She also may be having trouble with why you are thinking about buying a Viper so soon after your new child was born. In other words, she may be saying to herself: " Why isn't he thinking about his new child and me?!" She may be afraid that you are headed for midlife crisis land and/or of the Viper and masking that fear behind the four passenger idea. Just properly assert yourself. Explain to her that you understand her feelings on the subject but it is important that she understand and respect your feelings on the subject. Tell her that your desire to have the Viper is not a threat to her and your new born child. Finally, explain that you respect her views but it is important to the emotional health of the marriage for you to acquire the Viper. Then acquire the Viper. All of the foregoing is conditioned on the fact that I am assuming that even with the expenses of a new child that it makes economic sense for you to acquire the Viper at this time. The timing does seem a bit curious. Frequently a husband will start to feel a little hemmed in after the birth of a child and sometimes, especially when they do not realize why they are feeling that way, they act out in self destructive ways. I am not suggesting that you are doing this but the new child/ "I want to buy a Viper now" timing is rather obvious. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

Best,

Bob

 

[Tusc]

Meh. Yeah, but the dude has obviously been sniffing around the forums and has had it on his mind for a while. So it's not an impulse buy. Hormones and whatnot sounds like an excuse for "her" to do the control bit. I'm sure he's already being sensitive to his wife. Maybe she needs to be more sensitive to him in this case.

It's a car. It's not that complicated.

 

[Bobpantax]

A wise man once said that "the control bit" is only done when the perception has been created that it will be tolerated. It has been my experience in observing people/clients over the last thirty plus years that women become insecure and seek disproportionate power in the relationship when they perceive a power vacuum - a lack of assertiveness in their mate. It's like a nest disturbance. It goes to safety. "Is he strong enough to protect us from the manipulations of others?" In an attempt to bring a sense of safety to the nest, "the control bit" is brought into play. Since the husband was weak to begin with, he may become even more passive under the increased assertiveness of the wife and a downward cycle in the relationship begins. Sometimes this happens situationally - illness, schooling, etc. but I think more frequently it might be because the two came into the marriage with some prexisting baggage. The bottom line is that it is not easy for a couple to break out of this type of rut without professional assistance and without same, a divorce frequently occurs. JMTC

 

[big-n-italian]

A wise man once said that "the control bit" is only done when the perception has been created that it will be tolerated. It has been my experience in observing people/clients over the last thirty plus years that women become insecure and seek disproportionate power in the relationship when they perceive a power vacuum - a lack of assertiveness in their mate. It's like a nest disturbance. It goes to safety. "Is he strong enough to protect us from the manipulations of others?" In an attempt to bring a sense of safety to the nest, "the control bit" is brought into play. Since the husband was weak to begin with, he may become even more passive under the increased assertiveness of the wife and a downard cycle in the relationship begins. Sometimes this happens situationally - illness, schooling, etc. but I think more frequently it might be because the two came into the marriage with some prexisting baggage. The bottom line is that it is not easy for a couple to break out of this type of rut without professional assistance and without same, a divorce frequently occurs. JMTC

everytime i read something you write bob, and urge comes over me to call a 1-800 number and place an order for books and tapes.




(j/k with ya)

 

[Bobpantax]

everytime i read something you write bob, and urge comes over me to call a 1-800 number and place an order for books and tapes.
(j/k with ya)

LMAO. Very funny.

Best,

Bob

 

[Tusc]

A wise man once said that "the control bit" is only done when the perception has been created that it will be tolerated. It has been my experience in observing people/clients over the last thirty plus years that women become insecure and seek disproportionate power in the relationship when they perceive a power vacuum - a lack of assertiveness in their mate. It's like a nest disturbance. It goes to safety. "Is he strong enough to protect us from the manipulations of others?" In an attempt to bring a sense of safety to the nest, "the control bit" is brought into play. Since the husband was weak to begin with, he may become even more passive under the increased assertiveness of the wife and a downward cycle in the relationship begins. Sometimes this happens situationally - illness, schooling, etc. but I think more frequently it might be because the two came into the marriage with some prexisting baggage. The bottom line is that it is not easy for a couple to break out of this type of rut without professional assistance and without same, a divorce frequently occurs. JMTC

Exactly! He needs to buy the Viper to save his marriage.

 

[Freddog11]

One of the things that made it easy for me to justify my car to MYSELF was the fact that I didn't think I'd really lose anything if I kept the car for a couple of months and then sold it. With a little shopping around, there are some great deals out there and if money gets tight or you just decide that it's not for you, you can sell it for about the same money you paid. Not so with most "family" cars you buy.

When I bought mine I planned to drive it and enjoy it for a few months then move on to another toy. Now that I've realized the passion and addiction that comes standard on these things, I'm pretty sure I'll always have one in the garage. I'm lucky though, its a third car that I saved for and paid with cash, so if money gets tight for some reason I can sell it until things get better and then buy another.

 

[Cobraken]

Men being controlled by women!! I used to tell people my life was easy: Got up in the morning & the wife told me what I needed to do for the day; got to work & my secretary told me what my day was going to be like; then the clerks would bring the files for the day & I would work through those & when done, I would go home where the wife would let me know what my evening was going to be like.

Got divorced & I was like, umm... now what... Bought a Viper after she left & before the divorce & the next morning my divorce lawyer was sitting in my office asking "what were you thinking of...." her support demands instantly doubled.

 

[Dawg2Snake]

You can do what I did.

1. Get divorced
2. Buy Viper
3. Get a girlfriend and *christen* the Viper a bunch of times
4. Get remarried
5. Buy new Viper (now it's an upgrade!)

 

[Casey]

Ask your wife to buy you a set of balls for christmas. Then you can go pick up that Viper in the new year!

 

[Venomiss]

I think there are two sides to every story.
So far we've only heard one and a reference to his SO in a not so nice way.
I would love to see what she thought after reading this.
If a person has to go on the forums for opinions like this please send him some cheese to go with the whine.

 

[Zan186]

I have 3 kids and I just bought my Viper in Feb. As long as you have a daily driver for the whole family, she really doesnt have a leg to stand on.
You need to work the angle that the Two seater is just for Husband and wife. No kids.

 

[Tusc]

Venomiss, to be fair I don't think you're referencing Cobra Commander's original post. The rest of us have taken it off on a tangent... as we are wont to do with such things on the forums... and what we have added is what comes across as more colorful, if you will.

To sum the original post - his DREAM car is a Viper... it's all he's wanted... it's what has been in his head and his dreams. But his wife wants him to get something with more seats so they can all go. So she wants to kill the dream.

I can see her side, yes. And I acknowledge it. But if you want to cruise with the family, fire up the SUV or daily driver. That is not what he wants to buy. Buying a Marauder or M5... or even a 911... will NOT replace the car Cobra Commander has had in his head as his dream car. His dream car could be a rusted out Fiat for all it matters and the story would be the same. What you want is what you want, and a purchase like this is not about settling for something else - it's about fulfilling your wants and dreams. It's hard to argue the point when most of us here have made that same type of purchase already.

I think she needs to see the separation of topics involved. I definitely think he has to be sensitive to her as his partner, too. But I think the timing and the issues are more coincidental. It sounds as though he has longed for this for a long time and has finally reached some life goals... house, family, etc... and wants to enjoy his success. I am making assumptions, but I'm sure it is safe to say that if he did not have the funds until his son were 10 years old, then he would be looking to buy the same car at that time in life, too. Dreams have a way of not dying.

Forgive me for the TERRIBLE analogy (both sides of the coin) but it's tough to explain to some women how guys are into cars with the same intensity that women yearn for name brand bags like Prada. To us it is ridiculous that women seek after a BAG that costs $10,000..... to our female partners, we're just as ridiculous seeking after our cars. It's one of those things both sides need to just throw up the hands and say... I may not get it, but if it makes you happy then more power to ya. At least that's my opinion.

Another point no one has made yet..... Sure, he can agree with her and get a 4-seater. There are plenty of sporty 4-seaters on the market to choose from, and he and the family may find that it's a wonderful thing. And good Lord I hope she gets in the car with her son EVERY time he decides to fire it up after arguing her case. But he didn't set out to buy a 4-seater. So of he's not going to be able to get his 2-seater, then why bother at all? That's like going to buy a Barrett Light .50 for some precision long-range competitive shots, and your teammate says you can only buy a Mossberg. You're not going to buy the shotgun. It's two different tools/experiences that are very different from one another. Might as well pack up and go home at that point.

 

[93VIPERBOY]

Do what I did. Just come home with it. She will get over it. I also have 2 kids.

 

[Chuck 98 RT/10]

Can somebody explain to me the benefits of marriage?

 

[propsail]

Can somebody explain to me the benefits of marriage?

My wife makes more money than me and I raid her purse daily.
...It's certainly not than any guy gets any "luckier" after marraige.

~Craig

 

[plumcrazy]

dont bet on THAT....

 

[ViperTony]

Enough already. Buy the Viper and report back with results.

 

[Leslie]

Can somebody explain to me the benefits of marriage?

EXACTLY!


Single is a good thing

 

[Canyon707]

How does a woman tell a man what not to do? Oh wait! no food, no sex, no clean clothes.. Food is pretty critical. Try to think of some creative way to convince her. After I showed my wife a Viper she ask me what am I waiting for. I actually was kind of shocked but, she is pretty cool about cool cars. We just don't have small kids and that is an issue. Remember these words my friend. They just think different than a man. I hope she 's a fox it's easier to deal with it.

 

[dun4791]

Can somebody explain to me the benefits of marriage?

Nope, There are none........

 

[Hamrhead]

My .02?

Buy the Viper. Remove the passenger's seat. Problem solved.

 

[GTSjbud]

EXACTLY!


Single is a good thing

Now Leslie...don't you go get engaged since you have now hooked up with a guy who likes cars

 

[GTSjbud]

Who is the smartest man on earth? Gene Simmons...a.k.a. the Demon of rock band KISS

He doesn't believe in marriage and is "happily unmarried". Gene has said that if Shannon is unhappy she can leaver whenever she wants. She knows where the door is.

 

[FE 065]

I think there are two sides to every story.
So far we've only heard one and a reference to his SO in a not so nice way.
I would love to see what she thought after reading this.
If a person has to go on the forums for opinions like this please send him some cheese to go with the whine.

She can start her own thread.

- You can go bake some cookies..

 

[Venomiss]

She can start her own thread.

- You can go bake some cookies..

Maybe we'll find out who you really are first. Then we'll do some baking.

Back on topic without the bashing. -If he want's to get a Viper he will. He can either do it with the support of his wife or without.

 

[V10SpeedLuvr]

I bought my Viper at age 23 for a reason, now any girl knows the Viper is part of the package and by the time I get married (if ever), it'll be paid off and not a monthly financial burden. Ok, thats not the reason why I bought the car, but it works out well that way.

I think most women dont like their bf's/husbands buying Vipers because:

1. They know the cars attract all sorts of people...including hot 21 yr olds w/bodies that would make a Viper body look plain *
2. They think you'll pay more attention to the car than them *
3. It means they lose garage privileges and will have to bring the groceries in from the outside even if its raining *
4. It means they may not be able to buy the newest soccer mom minivan when it hits the market *
5. They only come in manual trannies so they know they cant drive it (unless your name is Mary, Juli, Nadine, Melia, or Leslie) *

* All hate mail can be forwarded to my email address

 

[chimazo]

My lovely wife supported my buying my Z06 and encouraged me to get the Viper when I wanted a change of scenery. Hell, she makes the money so no wifey = no Viper!

 

[big-n-italian]

Who is the smartest man on earth? Gene Simmons...a.k.a. the Demon of rock band KISS

He doesn't believe in marriage and is "happily unmarried". Gene has said that if Shannon is unhappy she can leaver whenever she wants. She knows where the door is.

LOVELY. why didnt you bother telling me this about (10) years ago?

this litle tidbit could have saved me alot of money, esp recently!

 

[GTSjbud]

LOVELY. why didnt you bother telling me this about (10) years ago?

this litle tidbit could have saved me alot of money, esp recently!

LOL!!! I wish I had know about Gene Simmons' philosophy on marriage also. Roughly 11 years ago.